“You may feel scattered, full of ideas, but unsure where to place your energy. This new chapter needs your focus. Not your perfection. Just your presence. This chapter is asking you to commit to one version of yourself and run with it. Stop editing the dream. Start living it. Let your restlessness become a roadmap. Your future is forming through the choices you make now. Choose with clarity.”
I re-read this paraphrased Instagram post today regarding the last eclipse energy for Virgo and Sagittarius (my Sun and Rising signs). Maybe this feels true for you as well, even without these placements in your chart.
These words made me pause and reflect, noticing the disconnect between my vision and the actualization. The resistance and fear of being placed in a “box” I feel I can’t escape (a box of my own making, by the way). The fear of commitment to one version of self. Like that somehow means no other version of me can exist and have a say, even if not at the forefront.
I notice the fear of missing out, the fear of making the wrong choice, and the idea of needing to be perfect right out of the gate, coming up with reflection.
I get to ask myself, “How much have I been editing the dream to avoid starting the dream I say I have?” The answer that comes up is, “I think a lot”.
Which is okay because it’s information for me to further explore.
Is it because the dream is no longer in alignment? Maybe it was six months or a year ago, at a different place in this journey. Is it because I feel lost and confused as to how to actualize this into reality? Is it because the fear of impostor syndrome, failure, and rejection are blocks that I haven’t yet processed and integrated? Maybe even a fear of success? Maybe a little bit of all of it.
There’s an old story for me around success, meaning responsibility and commitment out of duty and obligation, instead of empowerment, growth, and expansion. Which is an opportunity for acknowledgement, acceptance, and reframing of that story. To create a new belief of success and what it means to me. Success also has an association with getting ahead at the expense of others, and that it makes me arrogant, selfish, and greedy to be successful. That it’s somehow noble to struggle – archetypes of martyrdom and self-sacrifice come forward.
The thought that comes in is that my success through empowerment and growth allows me to move through the world lifting others to their version of success and giving back in ways that, when we live from survival mode, can be more challenging. Whether donating, volunteering, or taking on projects that don’t depend on a monetary exchange, etc. That money as a form of energy is neither good nor bad, right or wrong – it’s the perception and attachment we place on money that creates these associations.
Success is also a pretty broad spectrum word – it isn’t only in connection with money. Do we have fulfilling relationships? Are we living in alignment with our values? Are we following the glimmers and yes’s to create joy and playfulness in our lives? Are we living the lives we desire to live, regardless of the dollars and cents in our bank accounts?
There’s something to be said for the compounding effect and gratitude with success. The more we can live from joy, fulfilling relationships, and values, the more success is a natural byproduct.
I also have the opportunity to explore my fear of commitment, which feels like a heavy, restrictive word in my body. Like if I commit to something, I don’t get to change my mind. Some of that is part of my nature, as my commitments are at the root of my sense of security (my Imum Coeli is in Aries). There’s a deep knowing of this within; however, I struggle to keep commitments to myself, which can cause challenge and resentment while upholding commitments to others.
There are many factors in this fear of commitment, some of which we’ve already touched on. A few others for me are the fear of losing my independence and freedom, fear of vulnerability, low self-worth, fear of responsibility, and fear of abandonment and/or enmeshment.
Underneath these are the emotional fears, such as:
- Fear of pain
- Fear of loss
- Fear of being controlled
- Fear of not being “enough”
- Fear of regret
Some questions we can start to ask ourselves to explore the roots of commitment fears are:
- What does commitment feel like to me – heavy, exciting, scary, permanent, etc.?
- When I think about committing to something or someone, what is the first fear or resistance that pops up?
- Where might I have learned that commitment = danger, loss, or pain? (Family, early relationships, past experiences?)
- Has there ever been a time when I committed to something and it felt safe, good, or empowering?
Getting curious about our beliefs around commitment:
- What do I believe I might lose by committing?
- What do I believe I might gain by staying uncommitted?
- What would commitment look like if it felt free, loving, and spacious rather than trapping?
Some questions to build safety and trust within ourselves:
- How can I better trust myself to choose wisely – and to pivot if needed later?
- If I knew I could survive regret, change, or mistakes, how would that shift my feelings about committing?
- What small, low-risk commitments could I practice now to build inner trust (like committing to a creative project, a routine, or a daily promise to myself)?
My fear of commitment formed early as a child of divorced parents, and a deep belief that no relationship is ever truly secure. I also lean towards hyper-independence, especially emotionally. Investing and relying on other people emotionally has felt risky, and to be frank, disappointing. Commitment has felt like a threat to my sense of identity, self-reliance, and my lone soldier part.
It’s especially funny, in an ironic way, because as I reflect on all of this, I realize I have made and upheld commitments to myself in alignment with my values and did not notice that’s what I was doing. For the past couple of months, I’ve been going to Red Rock almost daily to walk, reflect, meditate, and connect with nature. I’ve talked about it to people in the context of “it’s important to me, so for as long as I feel called to do so, I will continue.” Which in and of itself is a commitment to the spark, joy, and glimmers.
I committed myself to being more mindful of my diet and movement, and more often than not, I hold to that. Which reminds me to pause and celebrate the small things, as for me, they’re easy to overlook if they’re not “perfect”.
Everyone has their vision of commitment; it’s not a one-size-fits-all, and it’s something we get to continue defining, redefining, and adjusting. My intention is to be willing to commit to the f*** yes’s in my body, regardless of the outcome, and not hold myself back from commitments I desire to make because of fear.
I commit to giving my dreams the focus, energy, attention, and space they deserve. From a beautifully grounded space within.